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Ex-Hostie - December 2006

Super SICK hosties

December 31st 2006 03:50
In my previous post I wrote about the potential for svelte hosties to morph into heifers. Today I will outline some other occupational hazards associated with the hostie profession.

While some hosties stack on the kilos, others go the opposite extreme and become obsessive about shedding kilos. Although there are plenty of porkers, there is still the expectation and pressure to be thin. The airline industry favours too thin over too fat. My old airline punished hosties they deemed too heavy by delaying promotions until the weight came down. I’ve never heard of a case where anorexic hosties were held back from being promoted for their unhealthy weight. Too many hosties pop pills that have a laxative or hunger suppressing effect.


People who travel are familiar with the havoc it wreaks on the ‘internal plumbing’ system. Being constantly on the move and lack of access to fresh fruit and vege can cause system ‘blockage’. Conversely, eating dodgy food on the plane or in countries with dubious hygiene standards can result in a dose of ‘the runs’. Imagine you spend years flying around and staying in overly exotic places. Sure, this life can be exciting, but it takes a toll on your body.

Hosties are more prone to getting sick than normal civilians. They are surrounded by germs and sick travellers. Also, international travel takes hosties from one extreme climate to the next eg.freezing snowy conditions in Moscow one day, and intense humidity in Bangkok a few days later. The body can’t adjust to severe weather changes in a short time so easily.

That goes for being in different time zones as well. Flying completely screws up the body clock. Hosties sleep, are awake, and eat at odd hours. I was ALWAYS tired, I think I spent the majority of my time as a hostie in a zombie-like state. I could never sleep well before flights that departed very early in the morning, which meant by the time the plane was landing at its destination I was nodding off in my jumpseat. Quite a few aircraft emergency evacuation slides were inadvertently inflated by exhausted hosties in my time (the aircraft door was opened after landing while the slide was in ‘armed’ instead of ‘disarmed’ mode). Thankfully I wasn’t one of those hosties, but I did once hallucinate there was a man in the onboard closet when in reality I was merely looking at a jacket on a coat hanger- I was so deprived of sleep.


Hosties suffer from dehydration. Getting caught up in attending to demanding passengers and answering non-stop call bells mean hosties neglect to keep their bodies hydrated, or sometimes they just forget to drink water. Of course, drinking lots of water presents one with the dilemma of having no choice but to use the aircraft toilets which a) are filthy b) usually have a horrendously long queue.

Not drinking enough water, lack of sleep, a poor diet and constantly being in an air-conditioned environment amount to visible signs of health deterioration, such as eyebags/shadows, bad skin and an overall haggardness, which expensive creams and potions can’t erase. For the vain hostie, this is a most unwelcome part of the job.

Finally, medical studies have shown that continual exposure to radiation damages internal organs in flight crew. My internal organs hadn’t shrivelled up according to my last medical test but my lung capacity had decreased and my heart rate was abnormally fast. I think I should be concerned…















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Super-sized hosties

December 29th 2006 03:32
TomN (of Boat Heaven blog fame) recently addressed some issues that had been weighing on his mind. Throughout his years of air travel he made the observation that international hosties were generally pieces of “eye candy”, while our homegrown hosties had perhaps consumed too much candy and were “big heifers”.

I too noticed the beauty of European hosties, who all appear to have just stepped out of a hair salon, had their face made up by a professional makeup artist, and exude the glamour of models strutting their stuff on a Milanese catwalk even as they are walking through the cabin collecting rubbish.

Likewise, Asian hosties are always slim and have immaculate makeup and hair (the latter of which even the worst case of air turbulence does not seem to ruffle). I have heard that part of one Asian airline’s recruitment process involves its wannabe hosties modelling swimsuits. The recruiters want to eliminate any candidates whose unsightly bulges would be evident in the tight fitting uniform.

Unfortunately, in the era of equality for all in the workplace, image still reigns in the airline industry. It is undeniable that having the correct height/weight ratio, having a decent face (or one that can be made decent with the assistance of makeup) is an important, if not THE most important factor in securing a hostie gig. All airlines ask applicants to send in a full-length photo!

So TomN, in answer to your question “did QANTAS in the eighties start to hire big heifers?” I would have to say NO. Those rotund hosties on our national carrier became that way, as you speculated, “due to good living”. The lifestyle enabled them to indulge in fine food and drink.

I also have a theory about the correlation between body size and cabin aisle width, which may be applied to airlines with some super-sized hosties.

When a hostie begins her career she is young, slim and energetic, allowing her to cope with the lengthy, narrow aisle in cattle class. The ‘herd’ she is responsible to look after is numerous, so she rarely gets a moment to rest and eat, and besides the food in this cabin is barely palatable.

As her career progresses and she is promoted to work in Business class, she develops a ‘spare tyre’ because the food in this cabin is more abundant and palatable, and the aisle isn’t nearly as long as in cattle class so she expends less energy. The aisle is much more spacious in this cabin too.

By the time she is working in First class, she has attained ‘heifer’ status. There are only a handful of passengers and therefore much less work to do, which means more time to eat relatively good food/ sit down and gossip/ read magazines. Her metabolism rate has decreased with age for she has been in the company for a number of years now. The novelty of being a hostie has well and truly worn off, and she is hardly motivated to get off her huge lazy bottom and attend to the passenger’s call bell, although even if she summoned the motivation she wouldn’t have far to walk in that small cabin with the short and very wide aisle.

As the aisles widen in each cabin, so do the waistlines of the hosties. It’s almost as if the aisles deliberately accommodate to the change of the body from slim to super-sized.

However for TomN, the aisles are not accommodating enough. He complains about chunky QANTAS hosties banging their hips into his elbow every time he takes a cup or glass to his lips. TomN, I suspect that when these incidences occurred you were travelling in cattle class, where even the slimmest people have trouble fitting in the aisles, let alone big hosties. In my old airline (which was not Aussie, European or Asian) I recall constantly having to apologise to passengers for knocking their elbows with my hips (and I am not fat, or ‘hippy’). In order to avoid this, I soon learnt to walk in crab-like fashion down the economy class aisle. And if you were seated in premium class (where aisle space is plentiful) when your elbow met with a hostie’s hip every time you took a drink, then you must have been served by the beefiest hosties in airline history!

I can offer a couple of explanations as to why you didn’t experience the same problem on European and Asian airlines. Either their aircraft have huge aisles in economy- unlikely, or you didn’t notice any hosties bumping into you as they were walking past because you were too busy gawking at the “eye candy”- very likely!







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Believe it or not?

December 20th 2006 00:45
Rumours. No workplace would be complete without them. I heard some very interesting ones in my hostie days. Although the narrators of these rumours would recount their tales with the utmost conviction, I was never too sure whether to believe them or not.

My favourite story involves a disgruntled hostie seeking vengeance on a cabin manager she had a run-in with. I don’t know the particulars of the incident that provoked this act of retribution, but clearly the hostie was angry. The hostie placed a note saying, “have a shitty day” in the cabin manager’s company mailbox, along with a pile of excrement to emphasise her message. Totally vulgar, yet this gem of a story left me in hysterics. My source of information was reliable, making this rumour likely to be true.

There were an abundance of rumours relating to crew hotels.

Apparently the crew were ‘evicted’ from a luxurious hotel in an Asian destination because hosties were continually taking part of the luxury home with them, helping themselves to paintings, pillows, doonas, and even cutting up pieces of carpet under the bed. Unfortunately, there are many kleptomaniacs in the industry who even steal from their fellow hosties (it’s a fact), so perhaps this rumour is not entirely a myth. I can’t imagine wanting hotel carpet though, it’s disgusting.

Someone once told me that some hosties wash their undies in hotels by boiling them in the room’s kettle. Outrageous, definitely fiction, but admittedly since hearing this I have never made myself a cup of tea in a hotel room.

I have heard various versions of the story about a dead body under a crew hotel bed, however these details remain: the hotel was in Africa, there was a dead body under the bed, the hostie didn’t notice and slept on the bed, she didn’t find out until she returned home and the police contacted the airline so she could be queried. Thankfully, I have never been in a similar situation, but I would think the stench of a decaying body would not go unnoticed. Still, after that rumour started circulating, too frightened to actually look under a hotel bed, a friend carried out his ‘rolling an orange under the bed test’- if the orange was able to travel smoothly from under one side of the bed to the other, the room was deemed ‘safe’.

Another spooky rumour involved the crew rest compartment on the plane. Located near the cargo storage area of the plane is a small room with beds for crew on long haul flights. According to legend amongst hosties, a pilot went to have a rest when he noticed a lady who was not a crew member sleeping in one of the beds. He told her she must return to her seat, asking where it was. She told him her seat was at __ explaining she wasn’t feeling well and wanted to sleep. As the pilot was to preparing to rest, the lady vanished and later the pilot asked a hostie to check on the passenger sitting in seat __ to see if she was alright. When the hostie went to that seat, she found a man sitting there- the husband of a dead woman whose body was being transported in cargo. Surely a hostie made this story up one day when they were too bored. Nevertheless I get shivers just writing about it.

There are many first time travellers on planes. Some think there are separate male and female toilets, others try to open the wardrobe door thinking it is the toilet door and there are those who press the toilet call bell button mistaking it for the flush button. But this story was absolutely one of a kind. On a flight to a poor country where porcelain toilet bowls and privacy when attending to the call of nature are foreign to the majority, a male passenger asked a hostie walking through the cabin where the toilet was. She indicated to the back of the plane, as there were toilets next to the galley. Understanding only that the toilet was somewhere in the vicinity of the back of the plane, the man found a gap in between the curtains sealing off the cabin and the galley and proceeded to urinate. On the other side of the curtain bewildered hosties sitting down for their meal break saw a steady stream flowing into the galley.

Believe or not?














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Cost cutting

December 16th 2006 00:27
Cost cutting. It’s what companies the world over are doing these days. And it was very evident in my recent domestic flying experience. First there was mandatory self check-in. Then the inflight ‘service’ consisted of hosties dashing through the cabin with a cart filled with purchasable food and drinks. And if one wanted to be entertained, purchasable headsets were available to tune in to what I assume was elevator music.

As I was observing the cost cutting measures of my local airline, I reflected on my ex-airline and their particular methods of economising. My old airline had a different approach. Passengers were always given an abundance of free food and drink, in fact the airline had aptly been nicknamed the ‘flying restaurant’. Rather, I feel it was the hosties that suffered more in the name of cost cutting


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A most unusual flight

December 12th 2006 10:43
I was left terribly disappointed after my recent flight to Melbourne. It had nothing to do with the airline's service- I only expected to arrive to my destination in one piece travelling on a budget carrier- disappointment arose from the fact that my flight was uneventful, a complete snoozefest equal to watching cricket or ‘The English Patient’.

No offence to my travel companion- after the initial amusement of us belting out the chorus from ‘Memories’ as I was reminded of a previous life upon observing the hosties going about their pre-takeoff duties- I was utterly bored. So much for getting some interesting material for my blog


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